In the busy “doings” of our lives, does it ever cross your mind that life is just too hard and that you are weary of the struggle?
Small irritations, like having to stand in line at the DMV when you have so many other tasks to do, begin to affect your well-being. As well, worry about your ill child at school or for your elder parent suddenly in the emergency department, as you scramble to adjust scheduled obligations, grinds down emotional equilibrium.
Or if you are an Elder, do you check out with endless television so that your mind cannot focus of how sad you feel? You may even wish that you had the struggles just described, because you would again feel that you were needed, that you have a purpose in life, and thereby be able to counteract the physical and emotional pain that can come with aging.
Most of us just clamp down on our feelings of sadness, anger, loneliness or despair. We may try to be grateful or to see the good things among the trials, but we soldier on if things are not going well. Sometimes the feelings catch up with us. We can become depressed, often not even aware that we are, and begin to wonder if life is worth living or worse, we wonder about self-harm.
Have you ever felt that you did not want to burden others or that they would not understand or would judge you if you let them know how badly you feel?
Have things gotten so difficult or you so weary, that you wonder not only whether life is worth living but whether the answer might be self-harm?
You are not alone. Around sixteen million people in the U.S. become depressed each year and eight million people consider self-harm. Even some people who appear to be the happiest or appear to have the best in life, in regard to money, beauty or fame, are suffering in silence. No person gets through their life without times of sadness and despair.
If you are brave enough to consider self-harm, if you have the courage to overcome the fear and pain of death, can you turn that bravery to doing the opposite? Be just as courageous in tenaciously holding on to your life, even for a little while longer. Some people feel that they have little control in their lives but feel that they have the control as to whether they choose to live or die. Could you give others a chance to help you? You are bold, so be bold in asking for help. What do you have to lose? The worst that can happen is that people can reject you, but at least you gave them and you a chance. You are still in control and can decide later to take your life if you choose. The ultimate decision will rest with you no matter how many medical personnel, police, family or friends try to help you.
Feelings of despair, anger or of self-harm can get stuck in your head. What can you do that is different than what you have been doing? For example, you could write a note to yourself to keep in your wallet and on the bathroom mirror on which you list the phone numbers for crisis help lines, emergency departments, police and people you could call for help, for use now or in the future in case you feel overwhelmed.
You might try the following as an example:
______________ (Write your name here)
“I have a choice. I choose to give myself this amount of time__________ (three months, or if this seems too long, choose the amount of time whether it be a month, a week or even a day) to feel better. I will be specific with my feelings and ask directly for help from _________ (list the name of family members, friends, neighbors, your medical providers with the numbers to reach them). I will contact ________ (the specific person or agency from whom I plan to ask assistance) today rather than taking any final plans for harm. I am proud of me for being courageous.”
If you don’t yet feel that you can yet ask for help, you might consider some of the following actions:
- Whenever thoughts get stuck in your head, playing over and over in a loop of self-criticism, anger, or sadness you can choose a positive statement to repeat to yourself every time your sad, angry thoughts of harm occur. As an example, write down your repetitive thought________ then every time you can add, “and I can call 911” or a positive statement such as, “I will give myself time to feel better.”
- Avoid negative people, negative news, negative television programs which can make things seem so much worse.
- Gazing at beautiful color can be restorative. Pick your favorite color then get something such as piece of fabric or a small picture that has your favorite color in it to look at several times a day. When you look at the color repeat something positive e.g. “I enjoy this lovely color which helps me to feel better”.
If you are feeling badly, get away from wherever you are physically. Change your focus of attention with actions like a walk outside, in a mall, or sitting in a library reading.
That way when life seems too hard to bear, when there seems to be no other options, you have a message from yourself with ways to help yourself or what you do for help. If you decide not to ask directly for help to prevent harming yourself, you won’t likely receive help. Don’t give others a hint. Don’t set down some specific thing that you think others should do to keep you from self-harm, when they do not know that you are in such a terrible place. Family, friends, and strangers do not know that you are considering self-harm if you do not tell them. If you feel uncomfortable asking someone directly there are compassionate people who answer 911 and suicide crisis lines. You control the decision to call.
I was once one of those eight million people but chose not to hurt myself because of the harm that it would do to family and friends. Not only would they have been sad and angry with themselves for not knowing I was considering self-harm, they would have had over a 50% increase in the chances that they too would consider self-harm. I stopped even considering harming myself as an option, figured out ways to feel better, and I am so glad because of all the things in life that I would have missed had I bowed out early.
If you are considering harm to yourself, please call 911, or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. Both are available 24 hours 7 days a week. You can reach out on Google to find means of help such as, “An alternative to the Lifeline is the Crisis Text Line (741-741), which offers confidential support 24/7 via text message. … You just text 741741 — you can start with “hi” or “I need help” or anything you want — and you’ll get a few links and be asked if you want to be connected with a trained volunteer”.
